When I was a little girl, You had me. I spoke of you often, I never doubted You. I still feel like that little girl, hearing the stories of the bible, with no doubt in my mind, that all the animals fit on that boat, and that Jonah was swallowed by a big fish. Even when I was in my rebellious years, you were there, waiting for me to call you back and I knew it. At times you have felt distant, but I knew you were there, like a parent who has to allow me to do things on my own. At times I felt like the poem of footprints in the sand, you carried me, because I was to weak to walk on my own. You always know exactly what I need you to be, I trust when you feel distant, it's because I have the abilities in me from you, to do all things, I trust when I can't walk, at just the right time you are carrying me, when I stand on my own two feet you go before me, and guide me, and sometimes I believe you are right there beside me. When I have to stop and rest, you care for me, giving me the strength to go on. I never want to stop being Your little girl, yes I'm not little anymore, but my heart clings to You like a little girl leaping into her fathers arms. Believing You have all that I need. Knowing that You can do all things, and Trusting that You will.

House Plans

May He give you the desire of you heart,
and make all your plans succeed
psalms 20:4

I just about fell onto the floor today when my husband, who just woke up from a hard night of throwing papers, matter of factly said, I decided we are going to sell our house. He was eating lunch or breakfast to him, so I sat at the table, with ears fully alert to hear this plan of his. I must remind you, that I have been wanting to move and get a new house for years, but have been silently praying about this for a very long time, and handed it all over to God, who of course has felt silent in this matter, but little did I know He was speaking to my husband all along. In fact, I believe my husband even got a little nudge the other day, when we got a phone call to awaken the hope in us both. So I was sitting at the table, ready to hear what was next, and I was in awe, he started talking about getting this house ready to sell, fixing it up, and Believing, it was going to sell. Believing, Benji is believing!! God is really doing something in him. I wanted to jump up and down, and be his biggest cheerleader! My husband has always dreamed of building us our dream house, and I believe this dream is going to come true, I know how proud he would be of himself, to fulfill this dream for me, and our family. At this point in our conversation, him talking me listening with my mouth almost hitting the floor in amazement to the words coming out of his mouth, I had to fight back the tears with everything in me. I didn't want him to see me get to excited, because he fears of failing me, but he never would, I love him just the way he is, and if our life stayed exactly this way until we died, I would love him the same, and even more. I wanted to cry, because he has no idea, the answer to so many prayers were coming out of his mouth. Many of my friends know of the struggle I've had with wanting a new house, wanting it so bad, so this is huge. I don't just believe God is going to give us a house, but He is going to give Benji his dreams, dreams I have just grown to learn, he has had since he was a child. Benji was always building, and he still loves to construct new things, something comes alive in him, when he creates things for us and the kids. I've heard countless stories of when he was little, he was always outside building forts, and tree houses, constructing things for all to enjoy. I really believe it was something God put inside him, desires, and gifts, for his future. All these years how wrong I had it, praying on my behalf, wanting the house for my dreams, praying for myself. Well lately I have been praying for God to awaken Benji's dreams and his purpose, I had no idea what God was doing, I stopped thinking of me, and really with all my heart have been praying for Benji, isn't it amazing that when I started praying for my husband, both our dreams are going to get filled. Isn't God so good, I have to pause and thank Him again. I really thought when I was praying for my husband, God was going to open doors for Benji to play his bass or be used for other gifts, but God always knows what He is doing! I even laid down the whole house thing, saying I could live in these little walls forever, it that is what I had to do. Well as Benji was telling me all the things he was going to be doing, he said I would like to put the house on the market in January, I was like this January, he said yes. wow, what, that's only like 3 months, I never said any of this because I wasn't about to let him think I doubted his plan, because not a inch of me did. I wanted him to know i supported and trusted any decision he said. The what if's began playing in my mind, but he said, We'll just have to trust and believe that everything will fall into place. We might have to lease a place or move in with some relatives, if our house sells, but we have to live for our dream, right? We even got online and began looking at house plans, and right away found the exact house plans we had talked and dreamt about. Plans that had a wrap a round porch and windows that come out of the roof,( dormers, Benji always tells me they're called), 5 bedrooms, a room I could turn into an after school room, I could go on and on, about how it's perfect. We just need land, which I believe we are going to get and to sell our house. It could take a long time to sell our house, who knows, only God, but I believe God is in this 100% I believe that everything is going to fall into it's perfect place, I believe as Jacque is watching her husbands dreams unfold, I'm watching my husbands, it just took me a little longer to figure it out.

I'm asking for everyones prayers in this, please get behind us, that everything will fall into place. That when our world is telling us this can not happen, God is bigger, He's a dream maker, a purpose filler, our hope, our strength, our guide, He is the answer. I honestly can say I want this, but I want this more for Benji then I do myself.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do
and your plans will succeed
proverbs 16:3

Many are the plans in a man's heart
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails
proverbs 19:21

I am smart

As I was hanging Leighton's 100% spelling and math test on the refrigerator yesterday, I was brought back to all the struggles she had last year, and how far she has come. How far I have come through this experience. I hope I always share this story with her, and that forever she knows how proud I am of her. I am brought to tears when I think about last year, how hard school had been on her, how I felt like a failure as a parent. I questioned what I was doing wrong, and I constantly asked myself what I could be doing more. When I spoke to the teacher, and the teacher used the words insecure to describe Leighton, it was like a stab in my heart. I can barely type these words as I'm writing them, because of the tears that have started to poor. I just remember thinking how can you call her insecure, that is not my little girl. Have you really seen her, she's beautiful, has the best personality, loves others, is a goof ball, always is going out of her way to get noticed, she tells the best stories, this girl is a rare find. I realized that the teacher meant that Leighton was insecure about her abilities in school, so as we were sitting down at the table doing her homework, and she was struggling to read and understand, I said "Leighton you can do this, you are so smart." I always tell my kids they can do anything, if they believe in themselves and the power they have in them through God. I looked at her and said, "Leighton do you know how smart you are", she shook her head, and her little tears began to fall. I told her say that "you are smart", and she said "I can't, because I'm not". I looked her straight in the eyes, and said "yes you are, and you need to believe you are. I think you are smart, Daddy thinks you are smart, and God knows because He made you". I began to remember this story at church when Pastor Rick, felt defeated, and he went to the mirror and started confessing the things that God says to us, like he was a child of God, and he can do all things...and how he immediately began to change, and feel strengthened. As I sat there with Leighton I realized at the age of 6, she had already felt defeated that the enemy had already began to speak his little lies to my daughter, well I was mad, this was a battle that the devil was not going to win! I brought Leighton into the mirror ( I know some people may think, I'm crazy, but this was my daughters future, and I was not going to let that stupid devil win!) and told her to look at herself and say that "I am smart". She was crying and wouldn't look at herself, but the words came out, very soft and quiet with no passion behind them..."I am smart", I said say them again, she began to say it over and over again, and soon she was looking at herself, and it was like she began to believe what she was saying. "I am smart, I am smart," I told her she had to believe it for herself, she really did begin to believe, because over the course of the year something began to change. She started to read better, her teacher began to notice a change, and she started enjoying school more. I honestly think something was broken off of her that day, this year she is doing so well, she has her occasional lower grades, and she still goes for extra help, due to a learning disability that was also got caught last year, but God did something in my little girl. She holds her head up high, loves to read, she's doing wonderful in school, and is always letting people know how smart she is. I still to this day, will stop and ask Leighton what are you?, and with the smile and the cutest little voice that only Leighton has, she boldly and with more confidence than ever will say "I am smart"

Thank you Aaron

When we made the decision for our kids to go to public school, the only other option was homeschooling. We couldn't afford to send our kids to private school, and to be honest this just wasn't an option to me at all. Homeschooling only became an option because the mother in me wanted to protect my kids, I wanted them home safe with me, away from the dangers of this world. I wanted to be in charge all the time. However, I knew this wasn't an option really either. We wanted our kids to have more than just what we could provide from them at home, we wanted them to have friends, and opportunities they would never get if I kept them at home. I tell everyone I would ruin my kids if I let them at home, I know some may think we could ruin them sending them out into the world at such a young age. I have to wonder when did Christians get it so wrong? I always want our family to be a light in such a dark world, by our family, not by my kids. I do not expect my kids to go preaching the gospel at school, I do however expect them to be an example by making right choices, and when they don't make right choices, to see love through the wrong. To show others yes I messed up, but I can turn this around for the good. My children are only 9 and 7 that are in school, and trust me when I tell you, I can give you examples of how this is true. I believe it's by us the parents that really reveal God to these kids in school, that we are the ones by getting involved and being apart of the school, not just sending them off, and expecting them to be the Christians. Allowing children into a Godly home, a safe home. This weekend we had this opportunity, one of Brennan's friends from school came over to play, and ended up staying the night with us, and going to church with us on Sunday, He loved it and wants to come back, he said he was going to ask his daddy to bring him back. This boy helped me to realize that our decision to put our kids into public school was the right choice for us. When Hayden my 4 year old was giving me a kiss, he asked Aaron, do you kiss your mommy all the time? Aaron with sadness in his eyes and the tone of his voice, said I haven't seen my mom in over a year, she does bad things. It took everything in me not to cry. Then when we were sitting at the table having a snack, he looked around and said, This is my dream house, the only thing missing is a German Shepard. Right then in there, I stopped and thanked God for my dream house, my husband, my kids, and everything we are so blessed to have, the things I tend to take for granite. Aaron has his problems and I know a lot of Christians would keep their kids away from this kind of a kid, he doesn't have much, and the more I heard his story the more saddened I became. But all I kept hearing is Thank you from God, for taking care of, loving, and bringing his Child to church. Aaron is Gods, as so all these kids are, we are suppose to bring God to them, not keep God away. When I said we as Christians have it so wrong, this is what I meant. These so called bad kids the ones we think our going to corrupt our kids are Gods kids too, (which if we think a school is going to corrupt our kids, I think we need to ask as parent, what are we doing wrong? The bible says we parents will be held accountable for our kids, not pastors, not church's or schools) and when I get to heaven I want to stand before God and Him thank me for loving all His children. Trust me I know my kids are going to hear and see things that they wouldn't see if I kept them at home, but I much rather them hear and see them while under my roof, where I can train and teach them the ways of God, then when they are older, and for them to go off to college, or work and be doing it on their own. When my kids come home from school with a problem, we take this as a teaching experience and a learning to reveal God to them, to show them what God asks of them, and to love others the way He asks us to do. I think when the bible says be in the world and not of the world, it does not simply mean to live in the world, it means to be apart of it, praying for it, changing it, living it, but with out conforming to it's ways, to stand only on Godly ways. Jesus didn't stay in His home, or in Church, He was out in the world, teaching, and loving all Gods children. He was showing us how God expects us to live.

Train children how to live right, and when they are old
they will not change.
proverbs 22:6

Birdie

This may be one of the hardest things for me to write, due to the emotion behind it. The past years I have wasted to many tear on this lie. I have let it in, brought it along with me all my life, into my marriage, and on to my kids, I have carried it into friendships, and even have given up on some of these friendships. Last night I recognized this for what it really is, a lie, spoken to me since I was to young to remember how or when it became apart of me. I've played the victim role to long, I've believed that I had the right to this lie. I've let in pride, thinking that I deserved more than what was given to me, always needing people's approval for the sake of not being Forgotten, because if I had all this I knew that I was not forgotten. Last night I was asked a question "what it is that the devil uses on you.." To get me distracted from what God says, for Gods purpose in my life, my marriage, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend. Forgotten was all I heard, that I am, and always have been forgotten. This lie has brought me to tears so many times I can't even begin to tell you how many. My poor husband what he has had to go through to remind me I am not forgotten. It's so bad that in any situation, I can just say "well see I was forgotten once again" The other night my nephew fell and got a scull fracture, and no-one called me, I had no idea, instead of calling my brother to make sure my nephew was o.k. (which please don't get me wrong I prayed and was terrified for him, and talked to my sister who reassured me he was fine) I thought of course my family didn't call me, because they always forget about me. I could go on and on about times i've been "hurt" (I choose to be hurt, nobody really hurt me, i've played the victim role) in my life because I felt I was forgotten. Last night I decided, Satan you will not deceive me anymore!!! I will not listen to this lie, I will not let it rule me and bring me away from my destiny. I will not let it divide my marriage anymore! I will not bring this onto my children, were they learn how to play the forgotten role! I will not seclude myself from my family for the so called hurt they caused me. I will not let my friends be effected in my friendships anymore! I'm done, I'm throwing into the fiery furnace, I know that I'm still going to get attacked, but last night I also learned by knowing God's word, we can stop the devil from speaking these lies, by simply but powerfully speaking God's truth.

All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God be complete and proficient, well filled, and throughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16,19

I set out this morning to find the truth in God's word, so that I could speak the truth, and rebuke the devil. So that I could correct and repent of living this lie. Many of my friends already know that when I worry I remind myself that I am more than a bird, when Jesus tells us not to worry, He says doesn't God feed the birds, they don't have to plant or harvest, it's there for them, God feeds them, He says you are worth much more than birds. Your Father knows your every need. Well through another bird story Jesus used, I have learned I am not forgotten. In Luke 12:6-7 Jesus is talking about 5 sparrows being sold for only 2 pennies, and God does not forget them. This is much lower than they are worth, as if I've felt I was and have been treated for much less than I am worth. Sometimes maybe I was treated wrong, and others times it was a lie, but none the less, It was a lie from the enemy. Jesus goes on to say But God (one of my favorite things my pastor ever taught me, was the power in the words BUT GOD, how it cancels out what was said before by the power in God, that when things look impossible, the word always says BUT GOD, WoW! {-shout out to Pastor Rick }, then the scripture says what God did, or what He says) But God even knows how many hairs you have on your head. Don't be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows. From no on when I feel forgotten, when the devil tries to lie to me when all circumstances say that I have been forgotten, or neglected, I will say But God says that I have not been forgotten I am much more than many sparrows!!!! That He knows and cares about every little detail of who I am, He has not, and will not forget about me!

I was sitting there asking myself why do I relate to birds so much, I just heard the word "birdie"spoken to me like when I was a child, with the affection and love behind it, as so many people would call out to me and I don't think it was a mistake that my nickname was "birdie" growing up. Another reminder that God knows just the perfect way to reveal himself to each and everyone of us. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off me that I have been carrying way, way, to long!
Praise God for Who He is, What He is doing, and for His Power given to each and every one of us

Today I had a real scare, Ashlyn fell down the steps. (yes again) She has been going up and down for the past week just fine on her own. For the first few days I watched her every move, she scared me. I soon noticed that she got the hang of it. Well today she fell, I heard the loudest thud, so I knew she was going to be hurt. I picked her up, and she was crying but no sound was coming out, then she fell limp into my arms. I ran her up the steps, and by this point she was conscious but she still wasn't crying, and she wouldn't lift up her head. I just started saying, help me God, please Jesus let her be o.k. and I called Benji who reassured me she was going to be o.k. and to not let her sleep. She's fine now it took me holding her for a 1/2 and hour and following her around for another 10 minutes to really believe she was o.k. I just thank God that He was there with me, helping me and letting her be o.k. I had to just stop and thank God for all of my kids, it's in these moments when I really see how precious they are to me, and how they are in His care.

Something Better

I live my life for the "something betters." I'm always thinking there has to be something better. If we get something new or something I really wanted, I always notice there's something better, when I thought I was happy with what I had. When I go to someone's house and I notice their decorations, furniture, or style of their house, I think it's so much better than what I have. Why do I feel the need to compete, or impress others, or hide so they can't see I don't have the "something betters" When I could be perfectly happy with what I have, I always think I need more. I began to really think about this, and I thought if I lived where I never saw other people things, I would be content with what I have. I would only notice what has already been given to me. right? I don't think so. I believe we need these "something betters" to remind us to trust in God. I am quickly brought to Adam and Eve who had a paradise with everything they needed but they wanted to know about the forbidden tree, they needed to know about something they thought was better, they were deceived in thinking they didn't have it all already. God had given them everything they needed! Why did God put the tree in their in the first place? He wanted them to see and trust that everything they had was already right before them. To look at that tree and know if it was not given to them, then God alone knows better then they did for themselves. To trust in Him and Him alone.That same God has given me everything I need, I'm just deceived in thinking I need better, when right before me is everything I need. If God thought I needed more, He would supply more, But He knows just what I need at this moment, and it's already been given to me. I believe if Adam and Eve needed more and went to God , they would have been given more. God himself would have taught them about being more like God, (who better to teach about God, them God Himself) I believe He would have given them the knowledge they really wanted. I believe it was to bring them in relationship with God that the tree was there, to ask questions to God about the ways of God. The bible says when we seek we shall find. So if Adam and Eve would of sought after God, they would have grown in their knowledge and their relationship with God. So does God want any less for me? NO, He wants me to have everything I need. God wants me to trust in Him. He wants me to bring my wants to Him, and He will reveal the answers to me. He wants to have a relationship with me. I hope knowing this now, I will be quick to bring things to God, and not be so quickly deceived.

10 great years

My (our) 10 year anniversary is coming up real soon, on october 3rd 2008. i must admit i'm a little nervous that it's not going to be much. i know it's just a day, but it's a big day to me. it's a reminder of the wonderful things that have happened to me in the past 10 years. I just had a walk down memory lane, I love this lane, i would move and stay in it forever if i could. but i know if i want memories, i have to live in the present. 10 years ago on october 3rd 1998 at 10am (what were we thinking) I walked down the isle to give my heart forever to the greatest man in the world. I think back now, and oh the things I would change on that day, the colors, the flowers, the photographer, most likely everything, except the man I married. I would have new friends be apart of that day, and not have some of the others. We defiantly would have new groomsmen, some of you get this. I remember planning for this day, I was so young, honestly alls I wanted to do was get married, I would marry him in a courthouse, I just wanted to be his. that is why we had an early reception because I wanted to spend the evening with just him. I loved that day, the feeling of knowing forever I would be Mrs. Keri Dummerth. Over the past 10 years we have filled these years, not leaving one empty thing. As I looked at pictures, I remembered our very first Christmas, only a week before finding out we were having a baby. We didn't waste anytime. Waking up that morning with presents under the tree, so excited to give them to each other. Spending the day with family. over the next 9 months we spent preparing for the birth of Brennan. We looked like children ourself, we had so many people surrounding us that big day on August 15th 1999. We went through job changes, and bringing Brennan on the road, leaving him for weekends with grandparents (i was young this would never work for me now) finding out that I was pregnant, again right before Brennan's 1st birthday in 2000. Still traveling on the road, and I remember begging Benji to leave this job, so I could be home with Brennan, and soon our new baby. He loved the job, getting to see new cities, and be around his friends all the time, I was miserable, and he laid it all down, went back to throwing papers for our family. I wonder if he knows, to this day, how much that meant to me. We got back settled into our normal life wondering how in the world we were going to make it with 2 children. In 2001 we welcomed Leighton, to our family, and how perfect I thought everything was. A boy and a girl, one for me and one for him. It was great. We moved into a new house (the one we are still in) and we had so much room. But soon we would fill this house, we didn't realize it yet. I remember going back to work when Leighton was 6 months old. We had it made then, I was getting busy and making good money, and then I begged you for just one more baby, the only one we planned (at this point) This one took us a little longer, I think we tried for 6 months or so, I can't remember, but I do remember when we finally conceived. In 2003 we conceived and would give birth to another baby boy. It was a busy year. When Hayden was born, I really thought that this was the perfect family. I didn't go back to work, because 3 was very busy. I'll never forget the day we found out about child #4, right after our anniversary in october in 2004, not once since we had been married did the idea of a baby scare or upset me, like this one did. I felt somewhat complete, and I felt as if I lost control. I thought I still had a baby, since Hayden wasn't even a year yet, and I really wanted to enjoy my little family. I just went back to work again. I remember bringing the pregnancy test down to Benji, I slammed it on the steps, and cried, and stared at the wall for an hour. I remember Benji saying it's o.k. that everything was going to be good, and he was excited. A miracle had happened right before my eyes, Benji was excited about another baby. I forgot to mention when I told him about Brennan and Leighton, I thought he was going to run away. I soon got put into my place when the doctor called to tell me I needed to be careful, because my progesterone was low, and I could mis carry. I prayed, and prayed that this one be my little miracle, and boy was he. Cohen was born with some scare behind it in july of 2005. He was a daddy's boy from the very beginning. In 2006 we lost a baby, I was 9 weeks pregnant, we hadn't planned, but we were very happy about this baby. God was my strength through this. I never realized how painful a miscarriage was, it was a tough time. It made us realize that one more baby in our lives would make our family feel complete. So we began to try for our 5th one, it took us a few months to conceive , I prayed that she would be a girl, I believed it so much that I think everyone thought I was crazy. I remember people saying it's a boy, i just know it, and I would look at them and say It's a girl I just know it. Ashlyn was our dream, born June of 2007, I later found out that Dream, vision, is what her name means. Isn't God so good. Since Ashlyn has been born we have grown in so many ways, my husband has become my focus, and our children our priority. I have really lived this year looking forward to our 10 year, because of the excitement of our last 10 years. It has a lot of meaning behind it for me, the last 10 years were building for what the next years of our lives will be about. I am so proud of our marriage, and the road we have been on. This has been the best journey to get to this point, and I know there are so many more years to come. In 2008 we will celebrate our 10 year! I guess no matter what happens on that day, it's not about one day it's about the days that led up to it. I doesn't matter how we celebrate, it only matters what we celebrate it about. US!!! Our love, that gave us all of this!

ATTENTION!!

God is trying to get my attention, just as He did with Moses and the burning bush. The scripture says that an Angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire coming out of the bush. Moses saw that the bush was on fire. Then it goes on to say When the Lord saw Moses coming to look at the bush, God called to him from the bush. Another version says God saw that he stopped to look. I found this fascinating that first God tried to get Moses attention, and then when Moses saw and stopped to look, God called to him. I wondered what if Moses kept walking by or ran because he was scared. Or so preoccupied (tending to Jethro's flock) that he failed to notice. God waited to call to Moses until Moses looked, God could have called him way before, or just called him without even trying to get his attention. But He waited for Moses to see what He was doing. Unlike Moses I haven't seen that God has been trying to get my attention. I have walked right by and failed to recognize God was trying to get my attention, I have been preoccupied with my own agenda and totally missed what God was trying to show me. Well yesterday I saw, I stopped and looked what was right before my eyes, it might as well have been a burning bush it was so obvious. I have been doubting my husband, and his abilities to hear and do as God says. I have had my own ideas on how his obedience to God should be. I even have been complaining that I think he's missing it, when all along I've been walking right past the burning bush. All day yesterday God was trying to get my attention and was waiting for me to notice. My husband, loving me, just as God had called him to do. In the morning Benji spoke to me just what I needed to hear, he loved me and he missed me. He went to the store, and came home with gifts for the kids, and helped them clean their room. When I was at work, he called to play over the phone(he had it paused and all cued up just for me to hear) "pecan pie" from Harry met Sally because he knew it drove me nuts that I couldn't remember what it was from. This is when God started to get my attention, and I began to notice, but I still didn't realize what He was trying to show me. Benji had already made the kids chicken and dumplings and since I don't like them, he made me my own dinner and it was waiting for me when I got home. He prepared it, he stopped what he was doing so when I got home it was hot and ready to eat. (grilled salmon, garlic potatoes, and steamed broccoli) It wasn't until we were sitting on the couch, and I was talking about work, and how i'm slowly building and I was telling him it was hard, that he stopped me and said. I'm so proud of you. It was right there that God had got my attention. I realized that my husband was doing exactly what God had called him to do. Love me. God began speaking to me about my husband, and not to doubt what Benji is doing, I saw what his purpose it right now, how blessed I am, I feel like the luckiest women there is, and I am so proud of who my husband is, if the rest of our lives all we had to do was Love and Respect each other, I would feel complete. For I know I truly have a man of God, who serves and is obedient in every way. I see who my husband is, and I know now more than ever that God is going to give him big things, because he is so faithful with the few things he has been given. Thank you God for getting my attention!!!!

Path of Life

Today I saw myself in a field, so green so rich, the grass was tall, and light, blowing in the wind. Your presence was hovering over this field. I looked to the right and then to the left, so much grass I couldn't see where it began or ended. It captivated me in every way. There was so much beauty, and a stillness. It was like I could smell the air, so crisp with just the perfect amount of moisture. The sky was blue and the sun was shining down on me. I never really saw the sun, I just felt it, like my whole body was taking it in. I felt your presence. Then it was as I was high above looking at myself being led by Your Son, who had a sword of some kind cutting out a path before every step I took. I saw the field of grass on both sides, and ahead of me, but a perfect path was being cut out just for me. Then I was there behind Him, I couldn't take my eyes off Him, He was leading the way, and I was following. Cutting down the grass before me. He turned and smiled, but only my heart and soul could see His face, to my eyes it's as the most perfect light I've ever seen. At this moment I thought I don't care where you take me I will follow you anywhere. It's all I wanted to do, to be in this field with You Lord, where your presence is everywhere, and Jesus leading my way, carefully cutting out my path, knowing where to go and asking me to follow. Today I decided not to take my eyes off of Him, with every step He took I took, knowing that this was the path for me. Knowing that He is leading my way, and to trust in Him always. After I wrote this the Lord led me to this passage. I feel as David felt when he wrote these words.

I have set the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my
tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to
the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One
see decay.
You made known for me the
path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your
presence
Psalm 16:8-11

Todays Homework

Last night I asked a question, and this question sent me on a mission to find the answer. The answer I thought would be simple, just words stated as fact, but I soon found out it wasn't just words, it had become my reality. I had to remind myself why I asked the question, there was a deeper question behind it, and with a deeper question, comes a deeper answer. As we read the words "do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery." Ephesians 5 :18 (niv) I was curious, what does debauchery mean, I wanted to know what getting drunk lead to. My mind went to many area's but for the sake of not embarrassing myself I won't say where, because I have seen to many times in other people what being drunk can lead to. I really wanted to know what one sin could possibly be lead to. So I leaned over and asked 2 people and neither of them knew. They too wanted to know. So I went home and began my mission. (or homework as one might put it) Debauchery means; to lead away from virtue or excellence, seduction or temptation from virtue or duty. In another version of the bible it says that it will ruin you. How can having a drink ruin you, or lead away from virtue or excellence, I was wondering. It's just a drink right, one little drink, or many I guess, it does say do not get drunk. I began to ponder this word, I found it fascinating and I had no idea why. I just wanted to know how doing one thing could lead us away from being excellent, it's just one thing. I soon began to realize that one thing always leads to another, we convince ourselves that one thing is not that big of a deal, but soon it leads to another. In our world we are told that certain things are just the way they are, and we find ourselves conforming to the world, while in reality we are being ruined, ruined of what God really has intended for us. We watch things around us that seem like no big deal because it's just the way it is, we don't even realize what is happening to us. We have become so desensitize to things, that we don't realize how wrong they are. There are so many things that lead us away from our excellence in Him. More than just getting drunk on to much wine; our anger, our gossip, our words, a little lie, our thoughts, our insecurities, our pride, our jealousy, and so much more can lead to debauchery. These things can steal our excellence, our virtue, our duty and our purpose. I'm asking again to be sensitive to the things that come in and steal my excellence, that are trying to steal my purpose. To be pure hearted again, not conforming to the world on what doesn't seem to be a "big deal", but to remind myself that anything that can ruin me, is a big deal. I've asked to many times, How did someone have it so right at one point in there life, and now they have it so wrong? How did they lose everything?How are they so lost? When did it happen? What did it? It's usually nothing big that happened, I can look back and see that it's something so little, that led to another thing, then to another. I'm not even speaking against drinking, it's not all about that, it's about being careful in what you let steal your purpose. It's about trying to be sensitive to what is leading you into debauchery, for all of us it is something different. I guess what I've realized is that we need to be aware and sensitive to what is trying to steal our excellence. I know that I personally want to be right before the eyes of the Lord, and not let the thief come in to steel, kill, and destroy, who I am in Christ.

It's all in Perspective

It's all in perspective has been my motto this week. I'm choosing to look into things at a deeper level and understanding, instead of one sided. To find the positive in a negative situation. To see what is good. To be taught through a situation, and grow into a stronger person. To really respect God for everyday, the good and the bad.

I don't like rain I must admit, being stuck inside, but really not wanting to go anywhere. Trying to dig up the umbrella and wondering how it always disappears. Hoping that my basement doesn't flood. I guess because I can't change the rain, it's raining I have no power to say "rain rain go away, come again another day" and boom it listens. Just a couple of weeks ago it was raining and someone had said I hate rain, and these words came out of my mouth, We have to have the crappy days to get the beautiful ones. This is so true, but does the rain really have to be crappy? (sorry about the word crappy, but it's what I said) Can't the rain in some point of view be beautiful in itself? Not just when it goes away? Well today I got my answer, It's poring down rain, and Benji and I loaded up the kids to do our shopping for the week, and I was so happy to have him here with me on a day he would normally work. I realized that the rain was my gift today to spend time with my husband that I so desperately longed for. Enjoying the little moments that we have been given on this rainy day. Getting to enjoy the wonderful meal Benji cooked for lunch, instead of eating peanut butter and jelly once again. Cuddling on the couch under a blanket with the kids. Laughing at some comment my husband made, and just enjoying adult conversation. I'm thanking God for the rain today, instead of complaining like I normally do. I"m praying that in every situation when it "rains", I thank God for the beauty that is there all along. To openly see the good in what seems to be a bad situation, to trust that God allows the "rain" for His glory in the end.
Today was a gift to strengthen my marriage and deepen my love for my husband. I could choose to see it as just another rainy day, but I'm seeing it for what it really is, a gift. A good day. It's all in how we look at things. It's all in perspective.

For just a glimpse

How is it that we can be going through the exact same thing as someone we are close to and not even realize it? Is it because we don't want to come off weak, or afraid of being judged for not having it all together. That our relationship with God is not all that we think it should be. Afraid of getting hurt in the process, or hurting someone else. Are we afraid of being to vulnerable because someone may see who we really are, and not like the real me?
Well I'm just going to honest, these lies have to stop. We have to start asking the tough questions, and get down to the inner people we are. Be who God created us to be, speak truth over each other's lives. And stop and ask, and then Listen to each other, listen to the heart of a person. Be real with each other, not walk through things alone, didn't God create fellowship for a reason, so we could listen and help. Struggle together in this thing called life, so we can better ourselves for the real life God has for us. Saying out loud to each other our losses and our victories. Holding each other when it hurts and jumping for joy when it feels good. I am sick of lies keeping us (people in general) from fellowshipping in the way God intended us to do. Not going to each other in truth, and working on things we need to work on. Growing together for His glory and finding out what God is really doing when we just open up and listen.
I'm challenging myself to let down my guard and love people, with out any strings attached, or an award for doing whats right. Showing people the Love of God, and that they deserve it even when they don't think they do. Being who I am, and not settling for a part of who I am, giving people the real me, in hopes that they see a glimpse of His Glory.

A Day of Beauty

I found a new passion with my husband, hiking. Who would have thought, we had the best day! We got out of our house, packed a back pack, loaded up the kids, and set out for Castle Wood State Park. We started our hike, I didn't know what we were in store for. We kept going up and up, until we reached a hight that we could see for miles and miles. The hike was tiring, but the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. I was a nervous wreck, we were so high up, I yelled like I've never yelled before, because the kids kept going to close to the edge. Trying to keep up with 5 kids who are so excited to see whats below can make one go crazy, I think I almost did. I had to keep reminding myself God is in control, He's watching over us. Brennan was the explorer for the day, he wanted to climb on every cliff and look down, I think I almost fainted at one point. It was seriously one of the scariest moments taking 5 kids on a hike, what were we thinking? But all turned out well, and the kids had a blast. The hike ended up lasting 3 hours, and at the end we let the kids dip their feet into the river. No one complained which was amazing in its self. Ashlyn never made a peep even though she was probably starving since dinner was missed.
It was so peaceful, and beautiful. I told Benji at one point, if we stopped and listened we could probably hear God's voice. I want to do this everyday, most likely with out the little kids, so I can truly enjoy the quiet and beauty around us. It's really amazing to get out and look what God has created!!!!!