In The Quiet

It has been quiet, which I don't usually like. I've felt as if I haven't had any words to say in this quiet time. I don't do well in quiet times, I like the noise, the busyness, because when it's busy I feel as though I have purpose. I think I'm waiting to find my purpose in this quiet time, waiting for God to speak, to show up, and tell me His next plan.

Today I figured out I didn't have it right, isn't that the way we always are? Thinking we know what we are waiting for? Holding on to preconceived ideas of what God has for us. Waiting for something better than what we already have? When will we be content? This is an area I struggle with, always wanting whats next before I've done what is already laid out before me. As I did my lesson for this week (After His Heart) I realized what I was going about things all wrong. As I read "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" proverbs 16:8 something began awakening in me. Hope. Hope that God knows the true plans of my heart and He has been directing my steps. I feel as I've been planning to many courses, and not knowing which steps to take.

In the lesson I also learned that God gives us each our own garden to tend, as He gave Adam in the beginning. I began to realize I wasn't tending to my garden(my husband, my kids, my household) the way I should be, I've been looking past my garden in hopes that new gardens are sprouting. I keep thinking God has more for me, but I realized God wants me to enjoy first the beauty of my garden, and wait for the fruits that are to come. I've been wanting to start new gardens, and try to tend to them, resulting in neglect to my first garden, having to much to tend to, and not giving the time it deserves. God wants my garden to produce so much fruit, that it grows in itself, having one big garden, instead of many. I realized that I was missing the sprouts of new things in my existing garden, while I was looking for my next garden. God wants to give me new things that line up with what I already have, not pull me away from them.

I realized I wanted to be put in charge of many things with out being faithful with a few things. like in the parable Jesus told his followers about the servant who, in the absence of their master, were given talents to invest. To those who had invested their talents wisely the mater said "you have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things" (This was taken from After His Heart book) I feel the reason it's been quiet is because I've been missing out on what I've already been given, wanting more than I already have, resulting in neglect to those who I'm called to tend. I've been waiting to hear what God has planned next, when it's already been given to me. In the quiet the only things I hear have been what I've already been given, I just didn't realize it was God speaking through Benji asking me to love him, the kids needing me to care for them, and a household crying out for the owner to tend to it.

Lord forgive me for crying out for you to lead, and feeling like you haven't been, when all along in the quiet you have been directing my steps. Forgive me for not tending to the things you have already given to me, it's my heart desire to tend to these things and only you know this. They really are the things all along that make me genuinely happy, thank you for each of them. I know that if I am faithful with these few things You will bless me with many things. Remind me in the quiet that You are still speaking, and to hold on for what you are doing.