Put in my place once again

I was laying in bed last night praying and hoping for more. I want my house, I've wanted it for so long, and yet it is still not here. I have trouble with this one, because it can really bring me down. Trust me I know how much I have to be thankful for, and how much I have been giving. But I often wonder why not my house. I struggle really bad with this. I've never been "in love" with the house I have, yes I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head, and a happy home. I'm aware of the fact that millions of people are with out a home, or don't have nothing compared to what I have. I'm just saying it's a struggle. I've watched family and friends find the house they have always wanted, and I truly have been happy for them, but I wonder "Lord when is it my turn." Maybe thats the problem, there isn't a turn. Maybe I'm missing something that God is trying to teach me. Or maybe not. I often want to blame Benji thinking if he cared more, we would have our house. Sometimes I just think he would be content living here forever, he would, but I want him to want to try for me. I've understand in the past how a move was not the time, and I know now it is not possible, it just brings me back to "Lord when is it my turn." I just feel sick of dreaming, I want to go looking for the perfect house, have the excitement of moving in. I've really never had that. Benji has dreamed of building me a house, and we have sat many times at the kitchen table drawing up plans for our house. It's always a dream, I'm just more than ready for reality. I just want security in jobs and finances to have everything we hope for. I know that some of the things I wrote are not true and lies. I understand that my husband wants to give me everything I want, and if I tell him he hasn't' I would make him feel like a failure. So I won't. I'll just keep asking "Lord when is it my turn" and trust that He is making plans for my desires, I will trust that no matter what happens He is in control. I will begin believing instead of complaining, and speak of only things I have to be thankful for. I will only tell Benji how proud I am of how hard he works for what we have. I will only sing praises to God for what I have been so graciously given. I will repent for doubting that God is not in control, for complaining, for hungering after the things of this world, instead of the things of God. I will remember that there is no turns, that God is doing something for me all the time. I will praise Him for what He has given to others and stand happy for them. I will get on my knee's and remember that He is God, Creator of all things, more Powerful than anything. King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I will cry out and thank Him that He loved me, little oh me so much, that He gave His only Son, So that I could be free. Who needs a house now!!! Thank you Lord for reminding me once again, who YOU are.