My Place

I've been acting like the master, when I am only the servant. I've been walking around in my masters house waiting and expecting him to serve me. Using all the things he has given me, and still expecting him to serve me. When I have been doing right by him, and doing all he asks me to do, I come in waiting for my reward, and all of his praise. I walk around thinking I deserve more than what I have been given. I'm waiting for him to say come enjoy this feast, after a long days work of doing all I have asked of you, but I've been waiting for something that will not happen. I've been getting upset, that my work has gone with out praise, with out a reward.

I simply forgot, when a servant comes in from doing all his master has asked him to do, he still serves his master. A servant is only doing all he has been asked to do. It is his job, as a servant to do as his master requests of him, but first and foremost, he is always to serve his master first, and when this is complete then he can sit enjoy what he has been given.

This servant will no longer forget her place, her job, and her duties. I will remember that my master always gets served first, and remember what He asks of me, is what I am always suppose to do. I have no right as a servant to demand or expect more, then what I have already been given. I have no right to sit and wait for my rewards, when I am simply doing what I have been asked. I know this is the mentality I am suppose to have everyday, but I also know my loving father, and I do know that all my obedience doesn't go unnoticed, and He is waiting to reward me, but I can't do things with a masters perspective, I must do all things with a servants perspective, I must follow the greatest servant of all, the one who served out of strength and not out of weakness, Jesus.

And They Lived.....

I've put myself on pause, I like the scene that was playing and wanted to keep it right where it was. I didn't want to know what was going to happen next, I wanted things to stay right as they were. I was afraid of what is to come, a change in the plot, I'm happy right where I am, I thought if I just pressed the pause button, everything would be good, I would just enjoy what was on the screen before me. I would have my dreams with out them being crushed, or even coming true, I didn't want to know, I liked just having them as a possibility, talking about them only as they are, a dream. An idea, a picture that has not been drawn, a script, with no actors. I like the scene I was in. I soon noticed just that, the one scene, I wasn't changing, I wasn't growing, I didn't have new exciting moments, I felt every time I looked at myself I was the same, yes I looked happy, but there was this deeper crying that there has to be more. So I've decided to press play, even though things may not go according to the way I hope and dream, even though I don't have the script in front of me to see what is going to happen next, He has it, He knows and I know I'll have moments of victories, with some moments of hurt along the way, but I know He is in control. I know He is writing the next pages of my life, it's just up to me to press play. So today I'm pressing play, no matter what happens, I'm going to live for the next scene, yet enjoying the scene I am in today. I realize I lost myself, because I wasn't living for what God had for me, I was holding on to what I wanted. I know in every great movie the main character always gets her happy ending, and I'm believing that God has already written my happy ending. I'm living for my .....Happily Ever After.

Sweet Talk

I'm sure some would argue, but I wouldn't dare try, I have the sweetest daughter in the whole world. At the age of 7 I think God has given her a heart just like his own. She says and does the sweetest things, cares about things so deeply, and loves in a way I can't even begin to understand. When she was between the ages of 2-4, I thought I had one of the hardest kids on my hands, what I thought were the things we needed to correct,were really the things we needed to learn from. Her emotions and her feelings, she would get so upset about the littlest things, little did I know then, her God-given heart was in those little things. She has a way of paying attention to the littlest details and really noticing others. I wish I could go back and stop trying to make her into this well behaved, perfect little girl, that I thought was my job to do, and do the real job God gave me, To figure out who God says she is, and how all her traits, are the greatest gifts from Him, and in all things use for His glory. I guess I just wish I tried to understand her more, instead of being so quick to tell her what to do. However I think they need to go hand in hand, both understanding and correction, because that it real love.

As we were sitting on the couch having one of our girl talks, which I love, I just never know what is going to come out of Leighton's mouth, but it's always something worth listening to. I love this time, I love having daughters, it's amazing seeing yourself in your little girls. Talking about things boys just don't get sometimes, or just don't care to talk about. We were talking about her future husband, and she was saying she is not going to kiss a boy until her wedding day, I had no arguments to this one! We were talking about how God already has her husband for her, and she just looked at me with her big brown eyes and she looked as though she was going to cry. Then she said I don't want to marry a boy, my thoughts went to well then what do you want to marry? I was a little scared of her answer, so I asked her why, and she said the sweetest thing, He'll make me love him more than daddy and you, I could not stop the tears, I just hugged her, I had no answer, I didn't need one, I knew that at this very moment her mind couldn't love anyone more than her daddy or me, and I was o.k. with that. I know some day, that boy will come along, and will capture her heart, but in those little words, I knew we still had it, and I am so thankful for it. I know that we will never be replaced, but I will keep those words close to her heart, and treasure every minute of who my daughter is.

Uncompleted

I must say I'm so sorry to You, the lessons You have laid out before me, are going uncompleted. In all Your wonderful ways, You have been trying to teach me, to prepare me, and I have been ignoring the lesson for reasons I can't explain. I know You have tests laid out before me, so I can grow, learn and become the person You created me to be. I keep asking You to show me who I really am, You know Lord with all you infinite wisdom, the best way I learn is by doing, by touching and experimenting. I've wanted the answer key, so I could just past the test, but You Lord, know that I need to truly understand, to grasp the lessons laid out before me, so that I can have full confidence in myself.

I wanted you to whisper the answers in my ear, give me all I needed to know, tell me who I am. I've been waiting for this, while all along, You were handing me lessons, so I would know for myself who I am. You know I need this, this is why You are the teacher, and I am the student.

I am going to complete the lessons, and start preparing for the test, so when things get thrown at me, I can stand with full confidence in who I am in You. I will no longer only repeat what I have heard, but speak what I believe and know with all my heart. I will be able to say, I went through that, that lesson was laid out before me, and this is what I have learned. I will be able to direct my achievements, and my greatest accomplishments, to the greatest teacher of all, You Lord.