Through the storm

Last night when the sky was looking green and dark, when the lighting was constantly going, and the thunder was beginning to roll. I let fear in. I hate when I do this, I use to be the one outside waiting for the storm to come. I love the feel of a good storm, I love watching the wind pick up and the tree's begin to do that familiar dance. I love the show the sky begins to put on for all to see. It's beautiful really. When the rain comes down, it's a song deep inside of me. I still do love a good storm, I love to cuddle up on the couch, turn off all the lights, and watch the beautiful display, and hear the wonderful sounds it creates. Last night I didn't do this, Benji was at work, Me, Brennan and Leighton were watching celebrity family feud, (Brennan is really into game shows) and the storm warnings on the t.v. came in, I had just put Hayden, Cohen, and Ashlyn to bed, I began to look outside, and fear came. I would have been fine if it was just me, but since I've had kids, I am scared of not keeping them safe. What if Ashlyn is up stairs sleeping and a tree falls on our house, so I think I need to get her downstairs in my arms where she is safe. Or what if a tornado comes and Hayden and Cohen are in their rooms sleeping, can I get them fast enough. I'm in charge of 5 kids and only have 2 arms. So I let fear tell me that they all need to be right by me. Our satalite was also out, so I kept checking the internet for more updates on the storm. After about 20 minutes, I was like this is ridiculous it's not even a bad storm, God is protecting us, so I began to put the kids back to bed, and I began to have peace. I chose to trust that even if I couldn't get to each of my kids fast enough, God was watching over them, and I had to trust no harm would come to my family.

Later on that night, I opened up my bible, and began to have my quite time. Night just works out better for me, due to since the minute I wake up it's about the kids. I was reading Mark 4: 35-42 when Jesus calms the storm, I didn't even realize what I was reading until, I asked the Holy Spirit what is this saying. I never want to just read something and miss the point. I didn't understand why Jesus was sleeping with his head on a cushion, and His followers asked Him if He cared that they were drowning. He stood up commanded the storm to stop, and then asked "why are you afraid, do you still not have faith?" I understood the point of the disciples asking don't you care, I've asked God that many times, and He has shown me He always does. But the part about why was Jesus sleeping, and why did he ask " do you still not have faith?" Then the question rose in my own spirit, "How many storms (in life) will I have to face and Jesus calm before I have faith to trust in him?" and "When will I be able to rest my head knowing that God is in control?" I learned something new about myself last night, that when storms come, (hard trials in my life) I always let fear in at first, then I cry out to God for help, and He always calms the storm, But I never just rest and know that He is in control. Just like last night during the real storm, I asked the "what if this happens"but soon realized God was in control and peace came. I need to realize first and foremost that He is in control, and have complete rest, lay my head on my cushion (God) just as Jesus showed us through the storm. I'm going to once again remember the beauty of the storm. I'm going to remember during storms, something is happening. Just like the earth is getting watered, fed, and growing stronger, so am I during my storms. As the tree's, flowers, grass, and plants always accept the storm, I will have rest accepting mine.