I believe a little..help me believe more

I believe a little...help me believe more, is a prayer that was in a devotional I read this morning, I love that it didn't say, Believe More, Ye of little faith! It encouraged me to be open and honest in my heart, asking God to help me believe more. I often do think if I would have just believed more, I would have the things I long after so bad, my son wouldn't be struggling with his health issues, but I know the only way to believe more, is through Jesus helping me to do so. It's like in another book I read, when the guy tried to walk on the water, and Jesus says it might be a little easier with His help.(The Shack..which if you haven't read it, go out and get it right now!!) Often I do try to believe, and hope by my own means, but I can't do it with complete truth or hope with out Him. Everything is through and by Him.

I do need His help to believe more, I wonder why it is so easy for me to believe in other dreams, It's like with all my heart I know they will get their greatest hearts desires. I watched that friend get her house, in His perfect way. I believed it for her, knowing with all my heart that she would get it with his full blessing. I watched a friend, who wanted a baby so bad, I stood and believed that when they decided to adopt, that in all my heart God started preparing that little baby for them, and I remember thinking they would get it that baby so fast, that only He would get the glory, that by Him, it had to be true, sure enough they have that little boy. I've watched another friend who wanted another baby, and believed with all my heart that God would give them their greatest hearts desire, even when they doubted, I never did. And God didn't just give them one baby they are having two, and to me this is just God showing them, I give you your greatest desire, and I give you even more! I believe with all my heart that another dearest friend, will have her hopes and dreams come true, I believe that this is her year, and that I will stand and be apart of her greatest day!! I believe with all my heart that another great friend, will achieve her biggest goal, with His help, and His strength. I believe that another, will stand in full victory with her husband by her side, sharing their testimony to so many, and help and change so many lives for His greater good. I just don't know why I can believe all of this for them, with no doubt, why can't I believe it for myself. I know God wants me to have my greatest hearts desire, but I also doubt that maybe I'm wrong, maybe this is just something I want for myself, and I'm missing what God truly wants for me. I can see that all my friends who I love, deserve this, but I by into the lies that I do not, that I've heard wrong, that other people are so deserving, that I should just be content with what I have.

Maybe God is getting ready to do something big, I am hoping!! And that is why, my dreams, and desires are so strong, and are getting attacked so much. I don't know, I just wish it would be clear, to me right now. I understand God doesn't work that way, He waits, for His perfect timing, no earlier, no later. I know that what I really need to do it trust no matter what He has for me, It will be the best for me, and to put my hope and trust in Him, and stop worrying about the other stuff. But what do you do if, your greatest desire, you believe a little is from Him, but your not so sure. I guess for right now, I'm just going to ask Him to help me believe more.