organized mess

I have tried to be more scheduled, tried and tried and tried, but have failed over and over again. It's funny I'm organized in so many ways, but when it comes to routine I just can't keep one. My husband grew up in a family that was so routine and scheduled down to laundry was done on a certain day, and they had a meal plan for each week. The house flowed from week to week, always knowing what to expect. I've tried recreating that, so my family would always have thier laundry on the days they need it, because normally we are drying something and waiting for it to get done on those early church mornings. We never have socks, so I have tried to do laundry on tuesdays and saturdays, but it's wednesday and the laundry is not done. I've thought about mopping on saturdays, but that only happens, we'll I'm not even going to share. I have tried to become this "model" housewife, always having a clean house, in order and under control. Well I'm throwing in the towel, I've realized it's just not me. I can't stick to a routine, I can't have the same thing happening over and over again, just for the sake of order. It takes away from who I am, the creative and spontaneous part of me. The part that changes when it's time to change, and see's what we really need at that moment, yes my laundry needs to be done, but that kid that is hanging on my leg, needs me more. My mother in law, I have always admired how she ran her house, her kids always taking care of, laundry done, food prepared, but shes always had to make everything equal, each kid getting exactly the same amount or gifts on special occasions, that was her routine. I can't be that, I love to give, to take my kids out on special days, to find that perfect gift at the perfect time, I don't keep track of who I got what, I keep track of who needs what at what time. This is how I run my house, I take care of it in the same way, when the dishes need to be done, and might be overflowing, I take care of them, when my husband is running low on underwear, I'll get on his laundry, yes it's not always there waiting for him, but it there when he might least expect it. I've decided to embrace who I am, and stop trying to be something I am not. I love doing things my way, to love my way, to give my way..so why do I keep trying to be who I am not? I'm giving up on routine, and just going with the flow, I think that way I might get the focus off of doing things in order, and see what really needs to be taken care of..my family. And by just being me, I will proud of who I am, instead of always feeling like a failure, because I will fail being someone else, but I will always succeed being me.