A quiet hurt is inside of me, trying to find it's way out. An unspoken cry I hold in for the sake of keeping you safe. Safe from hurt, safe from pain. I love you, like I've loved no other, I've poured the very depths of me into you, my mind is always full of you, dreaming, loving, and hungering, for you, for us to become what my mind pictures us to be. Sometimes I wonder if I'm more in love with the idea, than the truth. Or is the truth, that really keeps me in love, and the idea, that's making me hurt? I hope and pray, that you would get me, that you would love me the way I hunger you to do so. After time and time again, I question, what have I done wrong? Are my expectations to high, but then when I lower them, and they still go unmet, It makes that quiet unspoken hurt rise again. The hurt that I tell myself to let go, I say it's unjustified, so I let it go, I toss it aside, but somehow it creeps slowly back in waiting for the moment where I will open the door to it, and enjoy it's company, until I realize once again, it's stealing the very person I claim to be. It comes on these moments, when I expect you to be something you have never claimed to be, but I have hoped you would become. I know I need to let go, to release, but I like the idea of being an object of your greatest need and desire. Although I understand, I can never be that, I can only be what I am here to be, your greatest support. I love you and I want you to succeed, to succeed at being what you are to me, so I quiet this hurt, so you will not fail me, so you will not let me down. I'm removing this focus from myself, instead I'm putting it on you, to support, to help with your unspoken pain, to encourage, to meet your needs, to do what He has called me to do, Love you.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag
and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not
get upset with others. Love does not count
up wrongs that have been done. Love is not happy with evil
but happy with the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always
trusts, always hopes and always remains strong. Love never ends."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
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