emotions, the good ones

I'm having a sensitive morning, the kind when tears are about to burst, but it's a good emotion. The kind when I cry because I feel so blessed, so lucky, so loved. I just love my husband and kids. I love my life, yes I have aches, and pains, of people I miss, or would love to be closer to. But for right now, my plate is full, and it's filled with all my favorite things, so why add something that I wouldn't want at this moment, something that just wouldn't go at this point of my meal so to say. Sorry I got off track for a moment, I tend to do that, have you met me? Back to my emotions, the good ones, before I bring up the bad ones, and this post goes a completely different way. So I'm having a sensitive morning, it all started when Brennan, my 9 year old, was crying at the breakfast table, he was having a bad emotional morning, anyways, all I wanted to do was take his tears away, fill it with the joy, that I feel for this boy. I hugged him, and he hugged me back, with one of those perfect hugs,where he melted into my arms, the kind that he needed so badly, and so did I. The hug said, he still needed me, he needed my love, he needed to know he was safe and loved. I don't know if you have a 9 year old boy, but sometimes a hug feels more like, "o.k. mom, let me go now" but not this morning, it was genuine, it was perfect. And as I released him, I knew that I was so honored to be his mother, he really is one of the sweetest kids you will ever meet, he cares for others, and he is so good. words can't explain. I think Anna said them perfectly the other night about him, I wish i could have wrote it down. Leighton was on cue this morning, she's usually a little harder to get going in the morning, we have to give her a lot of nudges, and reminders to keep her moving, but I watched her this morning and realized how much she's growing and turning into a young lady, so sweet, so beautiful (have you seen her?) so caring, she's such a blessing, which to be honest at one point in my life about the terrible two's I never would have thought she would turn out as good as she has. Which she reminded me the other day, just ask Tori, but that she has learned so much self control, and independence is amazing. Benji said he wanted to play me a song this morning, I held back the tears for this one, I didn't want him to think I was crazy, it was a good song, but more that the song meant something to him, and I saw such a sensitive side in him, and I could feel his love for his daughter, and God, was a gift. I love those moments when a husband opens up to you, but has no idea that he just did, that a song effected him so that he had to play it for me, and then he told me his favorite line, it really touched me. Then I got to play him a song, the words were, "I'm so lucky to be in love with my best friend" they were so true, and I know we could sing them to each other, but don't worry we didn't we just had one of those quiet connecting moments, that I treasure, that speak so much louder than words. Right after that Cohen, my 3 year old, all boy, came up and kissed me, with out me asking and said I like you so much, I don't know why, but like is stronger than love for that boy, so when he says like, it really means something strong. I love those kind of kisses, the ones where they initiate them, so you know that his brain had to be thinking something sweet about me to prompt him to do so. It was a kiss, that said so much, his little hand on my face, pulling me in, I don't know if there is anything sweeter, then that. Ashlyn is giving me a great gift, she is still sleeping in, so I know she is going to wake up happy, and that I'm already in a good mood, I think we may have a few emotional moments today, I'm excited for her to wake up, for us to begin our day, I wish i could remember every sweet moment, every thought, every hug, every kiss. Hayden is becoming the big brother, he's the middle child, two above him, and two below, but watching him grow and become more independent, and caring is such a treasure. He brings so much joy and happiness, he used to be such a mama's boy, staying by my side, just to cuddle, and each day I'm reminding him more to cuddle with me, but on those rare days, he climbs up and just lets me hold him, I'm hoping for one of those days today. A day full of emotion, of love, and of these great moments. I hope the rest of my life I take the time to see the gifts, in what I have been giving, in the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, and the rest of my years. Years to come, years to grow, years to remember. I love my life.